I haven't been here for a very long time. I suppose lots of things has happen and at the same time nothing. I feel like I been through hell and back.
I have now got 3 ivf's done and 2 FET's, gee, that is just depressing thinking about it. On the second ivf I was successful but lost the baby before I could blink. I had to do a D&C which was horrid. When you walking around and yu know you got a baby in there but its dead, when the wait has been so so long for it to happen, it is just cruel. That was tough.
Then third ivf I had such good numbers in eggs, 15 of them and 9 fertilized. I was so stoked.

Until the 5 day transfer, I had one put in and sitting there the lady told me that you could not tell me untill tomorrow if I had any to freeze. there and then I just knew that I wouldn't have any to freeze, no any other time do they "survive" after they have second thoughts. I just cried the hole way home from the transfer, usually the transfer is magical moment but this time my heart just sank to my knees and i just feel cheated on all those great updates on how good my embryos been doing every day.
My poor little embryo I had put in, not the best environment for it.
Sure enough, next day they rang and told me that I had none to freeze. i was crushed. This was my last medicated cycle and the panic was in full swing. I got depressed straight away, and i just felt that I never ever was going to be a mummy.

Two weeks later I started to bleed like a tap. The disappointment was massive. I have never ever been so low in my hole life.
It has taken me a couple of months to dug myself up from that hole.
The only thing that keeps me going is that I got 2 embryos in the freezer from ivf try #2 and that cycle I got pregnant so i hope that those frosties are from a good batch and that they will give me a bfp.

I have tried really hard this month to be healthy and doing a "natural" cycle has been rather a breeze. I did have a very odd cycle as in that i was ovulating very late (I think all the meds from ivf stuffs your body around) and accordingly to Fertility Friend we have BD;ed perfect this time. I am 6 dpo today and i had a massive temp dip which of course I hope is an implantation dip. In one way I truly hate to have these "signs" as I get my hope up and think maybe that I am pregnant and then as per usual it is negative.
secretly though i have a really good feeling this time so ...... well, i am hoping for a little miracle. Please...
this is my 45th cycle of trying.