Cycle nov/dec + TWW

CD1. Devastated. Temp 36.50 C. No more to say.

CD2. Temp 36.25C.

CD3.Temp 36.50C. Today I am starting to live healthy. No more drinking everyday plus will start exercising more.

CD4. temp 36.53C. Felt rather weepy during the day

CD5. 36.37C. Period is practically over.

CD6 to CD 10 . Nothing. Temp up and down a bit.

CD 11. Temp 36.38. Normally ovulating on cd 13 so I am preparing for ovulation and I did have very watery CM during the day. BD at night with bum up for 30 min.

CD 12. Temp 36.37, so still a bit higher than normal for me preovulation. Bd

CD 13. Temp 36.35. My most normal day of ovulation. Could not BD as we didn’t really see each other, bummer. A little pain in right ovary. Nausea for a while during the day. Went to Xmas party and had a big night and a late one….

CD 14 Temp 36.66, but just slept 3 hours and had a big night before, so either I ovulated yesterday without a temp dip or I haven’t ovulated. We’ll see tomorrow. No BD as we didn’t see each other at all due to DH stayed at station after xmas party and work straight away, unfortunately that is.

CD 15. temp down to 36.31. I have pain in left ovary and very water/eggwhite CM. Could I have ovulated twice? Prob not likely but that is how it felt. BD as soon as he came home with me lying with bum up for 30 min. Twinges in ovary all day plus an hour of nausea in middle of the day.

CD 16. 1dpo. Temp up to 36.71C. BD in the morning with bum up for 25 min. Nothing else

CD 17. 2dpo. Temp is 36.65. Dry CM. Nothing else. Hubby hurt muscle in chest and find it hard to move at all. Prob to late to BD anyway…

3 dpo. Confirmed by FF. Temp was 36.66C. Woke up 3 am and found it difficult to sleep with vivid dreams. Actually I dreamt that I had a son. Felt really good today, had a dizzy spell during the day but it was 35C outside though….. Could have been just lack of fluid.

4 dpo. Temp 36.75C. Woke up around 3.30am, very thirsty and vivid weird dreams. Otherwise nothing really except a bit tired. Worried that it won’t be this cycle either. Will it ever be my turn?

5 dpo. Temp is 36.63C. Had really bad sleep again. Dreaming a lot. Nothing at all during the day but have a bit crampy feelings for a while on left side at night time. Do I just want it so much that I am imagining it?

6 dpo. Temp 38.81C. Good night sleep. Walked the dog in the morning and the temp rose all day and became up to 36C (40 inside) and it felt very hot. (measured my temp during the day and it was 37.46C!!!)

Felt dizzy for a while but realistically that was due to the hot weather. To put myself down I did a palm reading and it practically said I was infertile. You know… to pep myself up….

I have done tarot cards on the net as well which said the same thing. I do not want to believe them but after 2 years ….what if its right? No……no…..I will not have it. I will have a baby in my life. Talked to father-in-law (passed away) to please help me. I do not believe in a general faith but believe in the spirit. (I mean…look at

John Edwards…..or Lisa Williams….lol).

Nothing else.

7 dpo. Temp 36.81C. Odd day. Cold outside today compared with yesterday. During midmorning normal but in the afternoon I honestly felt a bit odd. Very restless, started to think maybe I am getting sick as I am so cold plus really hint of nausea..have I eaten something bad? Then spacey feelings at times plus thought I had nosebleed due to blood taste in my mouth. I feel so hot now (7pm)

8 dpo. Temp 36.68. Temp dip today even though is still a bit high, sort of my normal temp but suddenly this morning I feel that this cycle is bummed. A little bit depressed I suppose. Felt ok during the day, theonly thing was that I felt spaced out a couple of times. Felt immensely happy too for a bit which I found odd too….Nothing else.

9dpo. Temp 36.81.Feeling nothing this morning. I should stop to be so obsessive. Well, during the day I was just normal and really feel nothing. Late afternoon I went on a job and got absolutely furious with a work mate and had to leave so I could slam the door really hard. I was boiling for about 15 min, that was all. (Almost like af-anger I can get)

10 dpo. Temp 36.65. Felt devastated when that temp came. Is the cycle doomed? I got depressed instantly. Took the dog out for a long walk, had brekkie and went to work at 10 am. On my way to work a felt a bit ill, and I still felt ill until lunch, after I ate I was ok again and that didn’t come back. I felt a bit hopeful there for a while but I haven’t had any symptoms otherwise. Please let the temp be up tomorrow! Please.

11 dpo. Tenp 36.68. Again felt a bit nauseous driving to work and it lasted for a few hours. Otherwisw nothing. Went out for a few drinks after work. Tested which was negative.

12 dpo. Temp went up to 36.99. Nothing really all day.

13 dpo. Slept extremely bad during the night. Because we were going out for xmas drinks during the day I did a HPT and to my surprise is was a faint line there. I said to Dh that I might be pregnant but he looked at the line and said is was to faint. Don’t get your hopes up, but at the same time this is the most positive result I ever had. Started to feel really excited. Had a nap and when I woke up that faint line was gone, really weird actually. If I hadn’t shown hubby I would have thought it was an imaginary line earlier. Got home from the party at 7 pm and tested again but that was negative anyway so I might have been one of the few people who got a false positive for a while. I will of course test tomorrow but I don’t feel confident any longer.

14 dpo. What a surprise…….period came.

The two week wait during oct/nov 2008

CD11. Positive OPK test. Temp 36.35C

CD12. Ovulation day. BD at night plus the day before. (36.08C)

1 dpo. Temp up by 0.5 C degree. (36.53C) Felt nothing. BD. (CD13 is normally my ovulation day)

2 dpo. Temp went down again. (36.36C)Weird. As I actually did a OPK test that work this time 2 days before ovulation day. So no confirmation of ovulation. But have really weird twinges in my ovary. Bit of a headache, but weather is really muggy. At one stage a felt really lightheaded

3 dpo. Now I am worried, haven’t I ovulated this month? . Feel awful today, really puffy in my face as well. Temp still down (36.33)

4 dpo. Still low temp (36.38) Feeling normal all day, except late afternoon a little pain in left ovary

5 dpo. Higher temp. yaheeee. (36.56). Nothing else

6 dpo. Today I had a temp still up slightly (36.53) and now Fertility Friend says I am 3 dpo. Had little pain in ovary and heavy felling, like light period pain. If I am 3 dpo there is slim chance of being pregnant, due to bd. My coverline is 36.39C

7 dpo. (or 4dpo). Had a surge of temp today (36.96), highest ever recorded for me…odd? The only thing I felt was for a 30 min period like o-pain during 1-ish….

8 dpo. ( or 5 dpo) Temp went down to 36.7C (more normal temp). Felt a bit nauseated during the day.

9 dpo (or 6dpo) temp around 36.7C. Was in a very bad mood, had to go to bathroom a lot, plus little nauseated for a short while. That puzzles me because before I have taken vitamins supplements an got a bit nauseous and you get a bit ill after them but this time I haven’t taken them.

10 dpo (or 7dpo). 36.75C Tired, but worked late last night. Felt nauseated for about an hour, still very pessimistic about the intercourse pattern if ovulated late. FF stills says good chances but it doesn’t feel like it. I do not have any hope.

I really do not think I ever will fall pregnant naturally. Been drinking a lot today (bbq). Did a opk test and the line was extremely close to the test line.

11dpo. (or 8 dpo)Temp up to 36.81C. Odd feeling in my tummy, little nauseated. Did opk test with second time on the loo, an unbelievingly strong line. Read about this on the net that it might be a indication of pregnancy. Is this just too good to be true…please please…..Blocked right hand side nose today, feeling generally crappy. Blocked nose gets better. Urge to do a pregnancy test, which was negative. How can I be so silly? Why would I be preggo? Come on. Stupid me. After 21 months with low sperm count….stupid me….with a man who does not want to do ivf now. Fuuuuuccccckkkkkk

Sore on right hand side of lower back plus my neck

12 Dpo (or 9dpo) .(36.71C) felt nothing until tonight where I am very weepy, still have a slight back ache on right low hand side. I feel very disheartened, what is the POINT….fuck everything. Just tested again today ( 8.30 pm) with a opk and it is as negative as can be.

13 dpo. (or 10dpo). Nothing really. Temp went down to 36.65. Worried and very weepy in the morning. If I get my period tomorrow it means that I ovulated the normal time if not….I was very thirsty and extremely tired during afternoon, feel fine now. Nothing else.

I am on day CD25 and average is 26 days.

14 dpo (or 11dpo). Slept about 10.5 hours. Temp up to 36.78, which is good, but if ovulation is 11 dpo it is not really to much difference to previous charts. Normally I would get my period today so prob ovulated later. Felt very good all day. Hpt = minus.

15 dpo 9 (or 12dpo). Woke up a lot had trouble sleeping overheated some how. Temp was 36.74C. No period today but prob ovulated later…

Been very irritated during parts of the day. Had cramps in evening plus a dizzy spell, but thinking AF will be here tomorrow due to my classical signs. Damn.

16 dpo ( or 13 dpo). Ok temp down to 36.57C. Its not here yet but looking at my charts it will be here tomorrow. Obviously I ovulated later and we did not BD to the ultimate times. So, really it is understandable this month to not conceive.

17 dpo. (or 14 dpo). Temp up tiny bit 36.63. Just waitning for AF. Been a bit crampy today, a bit tired. With the due date for AF I have had 12, 13 or 14 dpo with normal time for af is 13 dpo. Somehow I secretly hoping…..with the temp rather low I still do not think it could be possible. Had weird feeling in my brain as well for a bit during the day. Surreal somehow. Maybe it is the fumes from the carpet as I carpet cleaned them yesterday????

I feel really depressed now. Had a fight with hubby and everything in my life feels like it is crap. Cannot anything ever turn good? Or positive? How come I ended up in this life?

I want to cry suddenly. My heart fells heavy. I got pain in left hand side of ovary. Almost feels like there is something wrong. We’ll see tomorrow I suppose.

It is now middle of November and things did not turn out the way I wanted them to when I started the blog. I was so excited before the Ivf appointment we had.
We had the appointment at 2 pm and sitting at the doctors I could sense that Rob was agitated. We had to sit and wait for 30 minutes and Rob had the shits.
The we meet Dr Frank Quinn and had a chat to him. He tried to give his view on things. I asked him about what is our chances of conceiving naturally and he responded about 4% chance. then Rob asked him about if the chance increases with the amount tries you do, which he said yes to. We talked as well about his sperm,doing IUI and ISCI.
Anyway,we left the clinic and Robs says - I think we can do this ourself,. I don;t want to go ahead with this.
i can only say that we screamed at each other in the car. Very nasty stuff. I was absolutely floored.
He then said that he thought that we hadn't tried as long as I said to the doctor. What????? I started my dairy and can go back to the exact date but still we hadn't tried for that long. I can understand in saying we hadn't tried to the optimal with knowing ovulation etc until later on but we could not agree with this. I then said that this is something I do not what to argue about. Silence the rest of the way home.

Later on that night when we got into bed we started to talk again and that conversation did not go any better. The conclusion in the end was that I did not have clue about anything (regarding timing of intercourse and ovulation etc) and all is my fault really.....

since then I have been devastated and have not had the strength to deal with this. I can understand that his manhood is on the agenda but I feel that I get older by the minute and for a while I felt that I will never have a child. But then I started to think about my use of the internet and I check up on every detail and info I can get on infertility and ivf meanwhile he hasn't. So I am thinking he hasn't got to terms with having IVF in the same way that i have. I will give him a bit of time...but I want a time that this is the date where we will seek help again. I am thinking maybe March or something....

Eve of First appointment with IVF doctor

So, here I am. Finally. I am going with Rob to the IVF clinic tomorrow. It is a such a weird feeling, on one side I am so relieved that after 2 years of trying for a baby we are finally doing something that might get us to have success. The other side of me is somehow still in such a disbelief that us, both healthy people, needed this. I know it sounds silly but we really want a house too and the fear in me is worried that now after this cost it will never happen. Imagine if we can't have a baby after x amount of tries and in the end not a house either. Of course I rather have a child, no doubt about it. Life just do not turn out the way you pictured it when you where young.
anyway, being the way I am I have been on the the net probably 7 hours a day the last few days and just checking up things here and there. ( had a long weekend)
As I contemplating for tomorrow I am gulping a few sips of wine. I probably have to stop drinking very shortly anyway. I wonder what the doctor will recommend? No drinking at all? If that is what he says that is what I will do, I do like my red wine I have to admit, so between AF and ovulation it can't be that bad but on the other hand if we are paying thousands of dollars I do not want to jeopardize this opportunity.

As I am on CD9 today, I was really hoping for a quick ivf start, but realistically I suppose that I have to wait until my next period, probably getting the pill and thereafter maybe starting on the drugs. I wish that I Could be starting on my next period. What I am worried about too is, if I start not next cycle but the next will Christmas interfere with the transfer etc? I have heard some clinics are closed on Christmas. Have you heard anything more stupid.

I was invited to go out for dinner with a couple of girlfriends last night, I declined. I am so focused (or obsessed????) on this ivf thing and knowing me I would just telling everyone what was happening and I do not want to do that. Certain things you have to go through yourself and maybe after the verdict/procedures talk to your friends. I spoke to one of my close friends today and told her we are going to the doctor tomorrow.

I am so excited to finally get some dates (hopefully). I so want a baby in my arms. I can't wait until tomorrow. Please let there be something positive on the horizon...........