Today on cd 6 and feeling very low, which I have done for a couple of days. I thought I handled the Af pretty well this month.
But deep down I think that this situation is wearing me thin. I had a breakout of cold sores yesterday and felt extremely tired. I think this is taking a toll on me without me even admitting that i was stressed. Now I know that I was. I have never believed so much that i thought i was pregnant as i did last cycle. Consider the very high temps, that i was late for AF and tiny bit of spotting.

Today one of my friends told me she is pregnant again and even though I am happy for her it is like a kick to my stomach. I hate myself for being so selfish and inconsiderate for her but I still feel angry and upset. Here I am, been trying for so long and she gets pregnant just like that, like a click with the fingers. I truly believe that nobody can understand what us, the infertile couple, goes through. It is inhumane. Months after months it is ripping my heart and soul out, being on the brink of sanity. For something as beautiful as being pregnant a lot of us can't even be civil to people around us being pregnant or people making stupid comments about just relax and it will happen. It is like my persona is changing and it is not to the better, that is for sure.

I feel very much like - why me? - what have I done to deserve this? - nobody understands! - i cannot bare it anylonger! - I give up - I cannot give up - leave me alone - help me it feels like i am about to die - i don't care- whatever happens happen - hope - glimmer of intense happiness - light at the end of the tunnel - hope again - utterly darkness - despair - repeat.......repeat ......months after months after months.

You would not wish this on your worst enemy.

What a lifeless life without kids......